ROUS: Runner of Unusual Size
I am a runner.
Wait, let me be more specific.
I am a fat runner.
That’s not entirely true. I am a Runner of Unusual Size, an ROUS of sorts if you like “The Princess Bride.”
That’s probably much more accurate.
I am sure you are thinking, “Who cares?” I care but only because I want to wear shorts when I run. The problem is that all those cute little running shorts for women I would love to wear were not necessarily made for women like me. Oh, they make them in my size (though for the life of me I don’t know why!) but I carry a lot of muscle in my thighs along with a good portion of my extra weight. This was the case at 145 lbs. This is most certainly the case at 200 lbs. I don’t apparently do the whole lean muscle mass thing.
Don’t worry. I’m not about to put on those super cute little lime green Nike shorts I found on sale. Neither you nor I want to see me thundering down the road at a blistering 11:30 pace with my inner thighs jiggling around like J-E-L-L-O for 13.1 miles. There is no amount of Body Glide that is going to make that work for me.
This of course means that if I choose to wear shorts, as an ROUS I am pretty much limited to the world of compression shorts. This of course also means you get to see my fat ass in spandex of some sort. I’d say what else is new but considering I kept all those wobbly bits in check this last year by wearing compression capris, I think we’re all pretty used to it. I’d offer to wear the cute little shorts over them but a) I can’t stand the look and b) I can’t stand the feel. Let’s all just be thankful that there is more than 13” less of my ass than this time last year. Still, I apologize in advance. Take solace in the the fact I have calves of steel and wear a really good sports bra.
You know what I am not going to apologize for? Leg warmers and knee high socks. I like them. Deal with it.
Someday, though I would really like to wear those little lime green shorts. And maybe some pink ones. Or purple plaid? We’ll revisit that in about 40 lbs.